this past year, i started hooking up my walkman (yes, the tape kind, kids)
to my stereo
which means i have access to mixtapes that are at the very least,
a decade old
funny
my best relationships started with a mixtape
(some of you may even have a Pudding Pop Productions Presents somewhere in a drawer)
and i still have them all
the mixtapes, that is
i can package up my best heartbreak into this one song
one that trips me up every once in awhile
surprising that it's a hip-hop song, in a way
it's who the song ties me back to that makes sense
the song i fell in love with him to cuz well, what is the look of - it's got something to do with ummm?
the best downtempo jazzy break runs through the entirety of the song
screw the lyrics - they're misogynistic
but you know the look of...
so i'm sitting in the denver united airlines lounge
wasting away my life on free drinks and shitty snacks
thinking about what's the next song to make it onto this epic madness/mixtape i'm compiling vis a vis this little here blog
i'm thinking about what music and voices i can't live without
a go-to
a fall-back
a necessity
an absolute must
i dunno - my entire life savings (hahahahaahaha) for will sheff to sing me to sleep
for him to scream hoarsely almost like a man about to snap
or to croon like a lounge singer
once upon a time last year i had tickets to go see okkervil river
i spent the whole proceeding months with this thumping in my chest knowing i was going to hear will sheff live
and it wouldn't matter what song they played or what song he sang, i'd be entranced by the level of emotion he exuded
i was jazzed
then of course i decided that i'd rather get laid - out of province, no less - than go to a concert
well, to be truthful, i had to go out of province for work but i could've somehow managed to make it back for the show but instead stayed for a guy
i should've somehow managed to make it back for the show
as pops sometimes says "always make sure the fucking you're getting is worth the fucking you're getting"
yeah, well
digression much?
so here i am, in this lounge
a throwback to the early 90's at best
trying to drown out the sounds of CNN on the tv
when okkervil river plays through my ears
and i regret not going to that concert for the millionth time this year
please stop ignoring the heart inside, oh you readers at home!
or i'm trying to remember what bands i liked the most
and while i liked bands, i wasn't blown away by bands
except jason isbell
which takes me back to a concert 4 years past now
at the media club
a tiny little space meant for adoration
and a band i'd heard of but never heard - and a singer shunned, a marriage broken
2 songs hit me that night - gutpunched me as i swayed with a drunken Dario and an even drunker Grant
4 years later it was the same 2 songs that pulled me under a second time
let's just pick one for now, save the other one for the depths of winter minor chords
i'm sure this song is a favourite of many drive-by/jason isbell fans
maybe it's the melancholy mood
maybe it's so trite and simple
i am almost always alone - oh fucking go cry me a river, right?
seriously though, here i am, hearing two of my desert island song picks, outside on a beautiful end of summer night under the space needle, alone but for the couples swaying next to me and 100 proof vodka to kill this goddamn lonely, goddamn lonely love
and so i stood there, barefoot in the grass
wondered how a broken heart could get any better than this song
